continued from Wedding Lore

Other Victorian Wedding Ideas and Etiquette

It is not the correct thing for enthusiastic friends to throw old shoes with such
force as to break the carriage windows or frighten the horses.
- Florence Howe Hall, The Correct
Thing in Good Society, 1902 

• Back in 1901, when a woman wanted to find out if she would marry within the year, she would go to a nearby field at midnight on Halloween Eve and pick a large pumpkin. After splitting the pumpkin the half, she would take five seeds and place them in her mouth beneath her tongue. She would then draw a circle in the dirt with a stick, walk clockwise around the circle ten times and stand in the center of the circle on her right foot with her right hand above her heart. If, after counting to thirteen, the hulls of the seeds fell away, she would marry within the year. If not, she would remain a spinster for at least another year.
   
• It was believed that if a bride was fortunate enough to have a lamb, cow, wolf, spider, or bird venture across her path, her marriage would be happy.
   
• In days past, it was customary to exchange wedding vows outside of the church in the open air.  A sunny day would assure the bride would be happy in married life.  On rainy days, however, not only the bride and groom would suffer if the clouds spilled but the wedding attendees would suffer as well.  It was also an indication that cloudy days were ahead for the couple.  For every raindrop that fell, it was deemed that she was likely to shed as many tears.
   
• On a happy note, if it snowed on your wedding day, a lifetime of weather was projected for the bride and groom. 
   
• It is interesting to note that the Scottish claim December 31 is the most popular day to marry.  June, however, is the most universally favored.

Wedding Traditions – The Beginnings

The Engagement Ring - The engagement ring symbolizes the promise of a future together, sealed with the giving and accepting of a ring. 

Rings featuring gem stones were popular in the 18th and 19th centuries.  Often, the first letter of the stones within the setting spelled out the name of the giver or a word.  In earlier times, the engagement, or betrothal ring, was a partial payment for the bride and was a pledge of the groom's intentions.

Over time, the diamond emerged as the symbol of betrothal because its clarity and brilliance reflected innocence and purity, while its strength signaled the hope of an enduring love. All wedding and engagement rings are worn on the third finger of the left hand. The vein in this finger was once believed to go directly to the heart which is closely associated with love.

Bridal Showers - This event has its roots in Holland. When a bride's father did not approve of the husband-to-be, he would not provide her with the necessary dowry. The brides’ friends would therefore "shower" her with gifts so she would have her dowry and thus marry the man of her choice. While dowries are long gone today, the practice of giving gifts to the bride-to-be remains.

Bridal showers were also meant to strengthen the friendships between the bride and her friends, give her moral support, and help her prepare for her marriage.

The idea to give gifts is fairly new, dating from the 1890’s. At one shower, the bride's friend placed small gifts inside a Japanese parasol, and then opened it over the bride's head so all of the presents would "shower" over her. When word of this hit the fashion pages, people were so charmed, they decided to do the same at their showers.

Bachelor Party - This was the last chance before his new wife took over the finances for the groom to gather money by gambling for his own future use. Ancient Spartan soldiers were the first to hold stag parties. The groom would feast with his male friends on the night before the wedding. There he would say good-bye to the carefree days of bachelorhood and swear continued allegiance to his comrades.

The Dress -The first known white wedding dress was worn in 1499 by Anne of Brittany, for her marriage to Louis XII of France. Until that time, women simply wore their best dress, often yellow or red in color. In biblical times, most dresses were blue because blue symbolized purity. But in China and Japan the brides have traditionally always worn white. White is the color of  mourning, which is thought to be appropriate as the bride is leaving her family of birth to join that of her husband's thereby undergoing a symbolic death. 

The Veil - The wedding veil, symbolizing a wife's submission to her husband, had it's inception in days of old when a bride stood beneath a canopy to signify she was under the protection of her groom. It wasn't white, as is the custom today, but was yellow in ancient Greece and red in ancient Rome. The veil originally symbolized the bride's virginity, innocence, and modesty. This symbolism has been lost over the years but the veil is still customarily worn.

According to tradition, it is considered bad luck for the bride to be seen by the groom before the ceremony.  In days when marriages were arranged they rarely saw one another as dating" was not a custom.

The lifting of the veil at the end of the ceremony symbolizes male dominance.  If the bride takes the initiative in lifting it, thereby presenting herself to him, she is showing more independence. 

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed,  Something Blue - good luck saying dates back to Victorian times and many brides try to arrange their wedding attire accordingly. 

Something Old represents the link with the bride's family and the past. Many brides choose to wear a piece of antique family jewelry or a mother's or grandmother's wedding gown or handkerchief (see above).

Something New represents good fortune and success and her hopes for a bright future in her new life. The wedding gown is often chosen as the new item. 

Something Borrowed is to remind the bride that friends and family will be there for her when help is needed. "Borrowing" is especially important, since it is to come from a happily married woman, thereby lending the bride some of her own marital bliss to carry into the new union. 

Something Blue is the symbol of faithfulness and loyalty. Often the blue item is the garter. Brides of ancient Israel wore blue ribbons on the border of their wedding cloths to denote, love, modesty and fidelity.  These are ideals still associated today with that color.  Blue also denotes the purity of the Virgin Mary and is the most popular of all colors. In ancient Israel brides wore a blue ribbon in their hair to symbolize their fidelity.

Bridesmaids - Inviting women to be members of your bridal party dates back to ancient times. One Roman custom was to dress the bridesmaids in a fashion similar to the bride have to confuse evil spirits trying to kidnap the bride. Bridesmaids also had the role of fending off unsuitable suitors, leaving the bride for her groom. Although the specific functions of being a bridesmaid have changed over time, being the brides’ support system, confident, defender and friend hasn't. 

Another legend states that it was once common for the bride, her groom and all their friends to walk together to the church on the morning of the wedding. Afraid that someone, maybe a rejected suitor, would spot the happy couple and put a curse on them, the groom's friends wore clothes almost identical to his, and the women costumed themselves like the bride.  These disguises tricked evil wishers into letting the real bride and groom live happily ever after. 

Bridal Flowers - Flowers were incorporated into the ceremony because they represent fertility, purity, new life and never ending love. Traditionally, bouquets were a mixture of flowers and herbs. Dill was a very popular choice as an herb because it was believed to promote desire. Following the ceremony, the dill was eaten for that purpose.

The Bride's Bouquet - The bride's bouquet carries many quaint traditions among the different peoples of the world. Orange blossoms, a favorite of many brides, were at one time, thought to be a symbol of fertility.  The carrying of flowers by the bride has its roots in ancient times when it was believed that strong smelling herbs and spices would ward off and drive away evil spirits, bad luck and ill health. Garlic and chives were also popular for the same reason. During Roman times, this tradition was extended, with the bride and groom wearing floral garlands signifying new life and hope for fertility.

During Victorian times, flowers took on an additional significance as lovers would send messages to each other using different flowers, with each flower having its own meaning. These associations were soon adopted for the bride's bouquet and are still used today by many brides.

Giving Away The Bride – In ancient times, female children were deemed to be the property of their fathers.  When it came time for the daughter to marry and her father approved of the arrangement, he was actually transferring ownership of his daughter to the groom.  Today, it is seen as symbolic of the blessings and support of her union as a promise of continued trust and affection. 

Throwing The Garter -This ritual dates back to a time before woman wore hose with a garter belt. It was a chance for the single men to share in the good fortune of the groom. Today, it is believed that the man who catches the garter when it is thrown will be the next to marry. In the 14th century, is was customary for the bride to toss her garter to the men,  but sometimes the men got too drunk, and would become impatient and try to take the garter off her ahead of time. 

Tossing The Bridal Bouquet - It was believed that the bride could pass along good fortune to others. In order to obtain this fortune, spectators would try to tear away pieces of the bride's clothing and flowers. In an attempt to get away, the bride would toss her bouquet into the crowd. Tradition says that the single woman who catches the bouquet is the one who receives the bride's fortune and will marry next.

The Wedding Ring - The marriage ring represents a promise for eternal and everlasting love. It is a representation of the promises joining both the bride and groom together. The wedding ring is placed on the fourth finger of the left hand because it was traditionally believed that this finger was a direct connection to the heart---the perfect place to place a symbol, representing eternal love and commitment.

The circular shape of the wedding ring has symbolized undying, unending love since the days of the early Egyptians.  A primitive bride wore a ring of hemp or rushes, which had to be replaced often.  Durable iron was used by the Romans to symbolize the permanence of marriage.  Today's favorite is of course, gold, with it's lasting qualities of beauty and purity. 

In ancient times, when life was much harder and oftentimes shorter, husbands practiced a superstitious ritual to ensure their wives spirits wouldn't leave too soon. The husband would wrap the bride's ankles and wrists with ropes of grass believing this would keep here spirit within her. Today, brides thankfully don't bind their wrists and ankles, only their ring fingers, and grooms have adopted the practice as well. The grass gave way first to leather, then stone, then metal, and finally, to gold and silver. Today, the rings symbolize the love and bond between husband and wife.
 

Great Wedding Advice! 

Don't marry the woman who reads novels, and

dreams of being a duchess or a countess,

or the wife of a multi-millionaire.

Frederick Reddale, Don'ts for Everybody, 1907

If a woman … has had more than four husbands,
she poisons them - avoid her.
The American Chesterfield, Lord Chesterfield, 18--

REFERENCES 

If husbands and wives generally would render each other half of the little attentions they lavished upon each other before marriage, their mutual happiness would be more than doubled.

Practical Etiquette, 1881

Author Unknown, Bride and Groom Dolls: The Icing on the Cake, The Collectors Magazine, p. 40-45.

Duncan, John E. 1993. Manners and Morals of Long Ago, Chandler Press, Maynard, MA, pg. 16-19.

Hart, C.,  J.Grossman, and P. Dunhill. 1989. Victorian Scrapbook, Workman Publishing, NY, 152 pages.

Hill's Manual. 1967. Never Give a Lady a Restive Horse: 19^th Century Book of Etiquette, Diablo Press, CA, 144 pages.

Hughes, Kristine. 1998. Everyday Life in Regency and Victorian England: From 1811-1901, Writer's Digest Books, p. 187-188.

Kortum, Sarah.  1995. The Hatless Man: An Anthology of Odd and Forgotten Manners, Viking Press, NY, 191 pages.

Leopold, Allison Kyle Leopold. 1991.  Victorian Keepsake: Select Expressions of Affectionate Regard from the Romantic Nineteenth Century, Doubleday, NY, p. 12.

Panati, Charles. 1987.  Panati's Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things, Harper and Row Publishers, NY, pp. 21-29.

Ross, Pat. 1991. I Thee Wed: The Sweet Nellie Book of Wedding Traditions and Sentiments, Viking Studio Books, NY.

Wells, R.A.  1893. Courtship and Marriage, King, Richardson & Co., Pub, TX.

May you always be happy,

And live at your ease;

Get a kind husband,

And do as you please.

J.S. Ogilvie,

The Album Writer's Friend, 1881

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